Stop Chasing People’s Approval

There was a time in my life when I needed everyone to like me.

If someone approved of me, I felt secure.
If someone didn’t, I took it personally.

And for years, I exhausted myself trying to change people’s opinions of me.

I became a people pleaser in the worst way. Saying “no” felt almost impossible because I was afraid of disappointing someone or making them upset with me. I wanted everyone to see my heart, understand my intentions, and recognize my worth.

The problem was… not everyone was going to.

And no amount of overexplaining, overgiving, or overextending myself was going to change that.

What made it harder is that I could usually tell when someone didn’t genuinely like me, even if they smiled to my face. I could sense it. But instead of accepting that not everyone connects with everyone, I would work even harder trying to “win them over.”

Trying to make them proud of me.
Trying to prove I was enough.
Trying to earn approval that was never mine to carry in the first place.

It was emotionally exhausting.

And honestly, it became depressing because it never truly worked.

The truth is, you cannot control someone else’s perception of you.

Every person sees the world through their own experiences, pain, insecurities, personality, and history. Sometimes people misunderstand you. Sometimes you remind them of someone from their past. Sometimes your personality simply doesn’t connect with theirs.

And sometimes people just don’t like you.

That doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong.

Now, if we intentionally hurt someone, we should absolutely take responsibility and make things right. But if you’ve genuinely treated someone with kindness and respect, and they still dislike you, that is not a burden you were meant to carry.

One of the most dangerous things about chasing approval is that eventually you start abandoning yourself to keep other people comfortable.

You ignore your own boundaries.
You compromise your values.
You silence your voice.
You lose pieces of yourself trying to become who everyone else wants you to be.

And no person should ever have that kind of authority over your identity.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is this:

You are not called to be liked by everyone.
You are called to live with integrity.

There will always be people who misunderstand you. But there will also be people who deeply appreciate your heart, your presence, your kindness, and your authenticity.

Focus on those people.

Be kind to everyone, but don’t confuse kindness with people pleasing.

Being kind does not mean always saying yes.
It does not mean tolerating unhealthy behavior.
It does not mean abandoning your peace to keep others comfortable.

We are called to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers.

There is a difference.

A peacekeeper will sacrifice themselves to avoid conflict.
A peacemaker pursues truth, wisdom, boundaries, and genuine reconciliation.

One is rooted in fear.
The other is rooted in strength.

So if you’ve been carrying the weight of trying to make everyone approve of you, maybe it’s time to set that burden down.

Not everyone will see your worth.
But that should never cause you to stop seeing it in yourself.

You are valuable.
You are worthy.
And you are beautifully made.

Cathy Jewell - VoiceRise