The Exhaustion of Perfectionism

One thing I have struggled with most of my life is perfectionism.

If I made a mistake or did something wrong, I would beat myself up harder than anyone else ever could. I held myself to impossible standards, and when I fell short—which I always eventually did—it felt like failure, not just an experience.

Looking back, I can also see how that same pressure sometimes spilled over into my relationships. I expected perfection from myself, and without realizing it, I could expect too much from others too. That kind of weight doesn’t strengthen connection. It strains it.

At the core of it, I don’t think my perfectionism came from a desire to be “better.” I think it came from self-doubt. From deep down not feeling like I was enough. Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if I could just get everything right, I might finally feel whole, accepted, or at peace.

But perfectionism never gave me peace.

It only created pressure.

And pressure never stays contained. It spreads into every part of your life—your thoughts, your decisions, your relationships, even your sense of identity.

What I began to notice over time was a cycle I didn’t know how to break.

The more I tried to be perfect, the more anxious I became. The more anxious I became, the more mistakes I made. And the more mistakes I made, the harder I became on myself.

It was exhausting.

And in some seasons of my life, when that pressure became too heavy to carry, I would eventually reach a breaking point. Sometimes that looked like shutting down emotionally. Other times, it looked like making choices I later regretted—almost like a form of rebellion against the impossible standards I had placed on myself.

But even those choices never brought relief. They only added more weight.

That is what perfectionism does when it goes unchecked—it convinces you that control will bring peace, but instead it slowly takes peace away.

One of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept is this:

There is no such thing as perfect.

We are human. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to grow through trial and error. And we are going to have seasons where we simply learn as we go.

Perfection was never the goal. But I lived as if it was.

And the cost of that belief was heavy.

Over time, I began to realize that this wasn’t just a mindset issue—it was a heart issue. It was tied to identity, worth, and fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being seen clearly. Fear of failing and not recovering from it.

This is one of the reasons VoiceRise is so personal to me.

I don’t come into this space as someone who has everything figured out. I come from lived experience, healing, and God’s leading in my life.

Ultimately, He is the only One who began to show me how to lay this weight down.

But surrender didn’t happen all at once.

It has been a process.

There are still moments when I feel that old pull—the urge to take everything back into my own hands, to control outcomes, to get everything “just right” so I can feel safe again.

And in those moments, I’m gently reminded of where that road leads.

Back to pressure. Back to exhaustion. Back to striving.

Surrender isn’t always easy. But it is always worth it.

Because the life God invites us into is not one built on perfection—it’s built on grace.

If you struggle with perfectionism, I want to leave you with this reminder:

You were never asked to be perfect.

You were never expected to carry that weight.

Do your best, yes—but let the rest go.

There is freedom in letting go of what was never yours to hold in the first place.

And slowly, over time, peace begins to return.

Not because everything becomes perfect…

But because you stop believing it has to be.

Cathy Jewell - VoiceRise